Got a problem? Uncle Mesk is here to help! You can ask the most meaningless of couch trivia, or share your deepest secrets. Mesk will be sympathetic and discreet, and will share the answers with no-one (unless they read this page too!) Fill in the form below, click 'Submit' to send it to Mesk by e-mail, and Mesk will do his best to help.

Recent Questions and Answers:

Do you know how they say that, every seven years or so, our cells completely regenerate...and therefore we are totally new people every seven years? Well, I'm confused about tattoos. How do they stay there if it's all new cells? Just curious.

Yegads! What a question! The sumerians weren't well known for their biological sciences you know! This is going to take careful thought and consultation to answer!

However, speaking from personal observation, Mesk is certain that some cells in the body replace themselves considerably more often than every seven years, Skin cells last a week on average, for example. The important point here is that the cells are alive and reproduce. They breed and split and multiply and then die to make room for even more new ones. There's a lot of reproducing going on here. I'm surprised it takes as long as seven years to replace the whole body!. Tattos, on the other hand, are inert, dead, lifeless, inactive, and generally dont do anything. They're made of ink after all, so we can't expect too much from them.

I did find your question quite invigorating too. I can honestly now say that any misdemeanor that occured more than seven years ago wasn't my fault, it wasn't me, I wasn't there, nobody saw me, and I was a completely different person then!

Dear Mesk, I've got this mate, and although he's a really good friend, I never hear from him - he never phone's, he never writes, in fact I haven't heard from him in ages (apart from the invite to the opening - cheers mate!) have a butcher's into your crystal sphericals and let me know if I'll ever hear from him again

P.S. I notice from the "family tree" that Mesk's dad is a ham - is this the slow-cured Wiltshire variety, and does he taste nice with a bit of pickle and a juicy tomato?

Diolch yn fawr

Blimpy

Uncle Mesk has tracked down your errant friend, who now lives in a small cave on a rock 130 miles north-west of Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwrndrobwllllantisiliogogogoch. At great personal expense, Mesk has arranged for a telephone line to be laid across this turbulent stretch of the Irish Sea, and has educated your hermit friend in it's use. Furthermore, with a mixture of bribery and cunningly veiled threats, Mesk has extracted a promise from your friend that he will phone you in the not-too-distant future!

As for Mesk's Dad, who knows how edible he is. However, since he shuffled off this mortal coil in approximately 3100 BC he's probably well past his sell-by date now and is probably rather dry and smelly. I think it's safe to say that his name may have lost something in the translation and that he really isn't that edible.

I do hope this answers all your worries,

Yours in hope for the future,

Uncle Mesk

Will I meet the man of my dreams?

Dear Ecobabe2002,

This all depends on how you define 'eco-friendly'. I can produce peer-reviewed studies showing that reduced sulphur-dioxide emissions are definitely not to be desired. Also, the CO2 question is far from resolved and I for one could use a little Global warming just now. Being more specific, the Incendiary Couch, when used, emits copious amounts of dioxins, PCB's, PAH's, PM10's, Nitrous Oxide, CO2, CO and SO2, however the rare Brazilian Teak used does add a delicate fragrance when the couch is burned. This couch is a one-use item so it adds all the pollutants to the atmosphere all over again every time it's used AND we have to chop down more trees to make more! However, the Ice-Couch is only water, harvested from those expendable West-Antarctic Ice sheets (it's the best water).

Seriously though, I'm curious - where did you get the name Mesk? I got mine from the drug mescaline, and I find it bizarre that someone else independently arrived at the same handle. Mesk

I'm not on drugs, I'm the reincarnated King of Uruk!

Mesk My Bestest Friend in the Whole Wide WOrld! I just gotta have it I want the Secret Garden couch; PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. I have the perfect place for it I really really do. I will pay 20 thousand dracmas and, ummmmmm let me see, the first born of Stormy, Dingo, and Tinker ( Tinkers alone is worth it !!!!!!!!. Oh please please please. I Want It!!!!!!!!!!
Faithfully
Your Bestest Friend in the Whole Wide World
Darkbluerose

No.